Stop Apologising!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
(2 Corinthians 5:17) 

We all have bad habits and they come in many different shapes and forms. The women in my family have for many years laughed at ourselves about our ability to over apologise to those around us. It’s often over silly things that don’t really warrant an apology and the word ‘sorry’ just pops out when we don’t want to inconvenience anyone or, worse still, when someone else has inconvenienced us! There will be a flurry of ‘sorrys’ when we are together until eventually one of us notices and over apologises profusely to make the point about how ridiculous we sound. This usually resets us and it all calms down for a while … until the ‘sorrys’ start creeping in again!
 
Whilst we have seen the funny side of this behaviour, it can also be a debilitating habit and it is one that I have tried hard to overcome. The more I have begun to identify it in myself, the more I have observed it in other women in lots of settings, but also played out in characters in films and TV shows too. Over apologising has the ability to hold us back from fully realising our gifts and talents or contributing successfully in situations we are in and ultimately living within the fullness of what God has planned for us. Obviously, there are some men prone to over apologising too so if that’s you, then please be encouraged to read on. If it’s not a particular problem that you struggle with, then how about gently encouraging those you know to stop over apologising when they do!
 
The harsh truth according to an article from the Forbes Coaches Council is that ‘over-apologising is a known symptom amongst those with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and a fear of what others think. This goes hand in hand with poor boundaries, perhaps accepting blame for things we didn't do or couldn't control.’ Ouch!! That’s confronting and exposing! No wonder this habit has the ability to hold so many of us back. The article goes on to give advice on how to identify this and provides practical solutions to modify behaviour.
 
There are many more articles like it along with self-help books and there are characters in movies and TV shows that struggle with the same habit that we can watch, identify with and learn from. Whilst all these things are helpful in exposing problems and giving us tools or strategies to change our behaviour, as Christians, we do not walk alone. Hallelujah.
 
We first and foremost can continually look to God to obtain our true identities in Christ. We can grow in confidence that he has gifted and equipped each of us in unique ways for His purposes and that we are a blessing to those around us, not a nuisance that needs to continually apologise. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!’ We can hold onto this truth with the power of what Christ has done for us; we can throw off our guilt and shame or whatever has led us into bad habits and walk with Jesus, take his counsel and start believing in Him more than in ourselves.
 
With the Holy Spirit dwelling inside us, God has given us an amazing gift to help us overcome our weaknesses and ‘be transformed by the renewing of our mind’ (Romans 12:2). In John 14:16 Jesus said, ‘I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you for ever.’ We can choose to let the Holy Spirit, the ‘Advocate’ or ‘Helper’ (ESV translation), gently lead and nudge us into His truth about ourselves. We can let Him change us from the inside as we grow in His affirmation, love and acceptance of us.
 
In our Church Admin team, we have begun to pull each other up if we start a sentence with ‘sorry, would you mind just …’ or ‘sorry, can you help me with …’. It’s surprising how hard it is to stop but quite liberating when you do; I can recommend it!
 
Let’s pray - Jesus, thank you that you love us, that you see all the things that we struggle with and that you have made a way for us to overcome our weaknesses. Father God, thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to dwell in us, to help and renew our minds, and do the work of transforming us into your new creation. Amen