Trusting in the goodness of God

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life
(Psalm 23:6, New Living Translation) 

In January 2022, I decided for my New Year's resolution I would focus on two things: 

• Delving deeper into my faith with Jesus
• Focusing on, and improving, my physical health. 

Ironic, then, that as we reached the December of 2022, both my faith and physical health had been pushed to almost complete breaking point. Indeed, it seemed that in achieving both of my objectives, I had failed! Miserably!
 
Four years ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Lupus. Lupus is a complex condition that can affect many different body systems. In my experience, treatments often cause more problems than they solve, and it can be hard to articulate the relentlessness of its effects on day-to-day life. 
 
After struggling for several months to keep it under control, by early September I found myself beginning a severe flare up, that went on to leave me for the most part bed bound, housebound, sick and in pain for the remainder of the year. An endless cycle of tests and investigations began. Doctors worked together to try to solve and medicate each issue, and to be completely honest with you, as each test result seemed to reveal more questions than answers, it all began to feel rather hopeless.  
 
As time progressed, it became increasingly harder, in those dark moments, to hold onto the truth of God’s love. Over time, the truth became more and more distorted, and in my exhausted state of mind, it began to feel as though that truth I had held firm to my whole life - that the God I serve is a good God, who loves me completely - was in fact a lie. And as I prayed, I have never experienced such an overwhelmingly loud silence. 
 
At the end of my own strength, in those moments, I heavily leaned on the kind words, encouragements and prayers of those around me, for which I am so very grateful. And as I began to emerge from the dark, there came a deep and healing revelation.
 
Psalm 23:6 tells us that God’s goodness is seeking us - pursuing us all the days of our lives. Not just when things are good, but all the days, every day, every moment. Too often, we spend most of our spiritual lives thinking that we are in pursuit of God, that we are the ones searching for Him. However, in recent months I have discovered that great revelation comes with the realisation that it is in fact He who is in pursuit of us - Jesus is the seeker not the sought! There is so much freedom in this truth that I encourage you to take hold of, and to not let it go. 
 
Most of us, I’m certain, know what it is like to have those wonderful ‘mountain top’ experiences with God, those moments when God feels so close and His presence is overwhelmingly tangible. You pray, He shouts out the answer; you worship, He comes in power. Sometimes I wish that our Christian lives would always remain this way, but there is always, inevitably, a point at which we find ourselves in a place we’d rather not be - the valley. You go to church, but that sermon didn’t quite hit the spot; you worship, but you didn’t really like the song choices and struggled to connect; you pray, but your prayers seem to echo around the room and it’s like someone's turned off the lights.  
 
In these moments we can rest assured that God has promised to never let it go beyond what we can cope with - No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it (1 Corinthians 10:13, The Message Bible)
 
I knew, deep in my heart, that no matter what my outer circumstances were telling me, His truth is greater, and that even in my darkest night He was there with me, both the author and perfecter of my faith. By believing in, relying on and surrendering to this truth, with Jesus as our seeker, comes the assurance that no matter what life may bring, however many times we may lose ourselves, His goodness will pursue us; His unfailing love will see us through. If sometimes we think we are running away from God, we find, in truth, we are instead running straight into His arms.
 
I think it’s okay to be honest with God in those moments; He can take it. Let's face it - He knows anyway! I read a great quote recently by Philip Yancey who says this - "Human beings do not readily admit desperation. When they do, the kingdom of heaven draws near."
 
Here, in this place of humble honesty with God, we find the endless discovery that His infinite love is stronger than anything we can ever comprehend or imagine, and he uses every part of our journey with Him as an opportunity to get to know Him more.
 
So, as I look ahead to 2023, I have been a bit more cautious about setting my New Year's resolutions! But one thing I know is that no matter what the future may hold, His goodness will pursue, His mercy will never fail, and His love knows no bounds. What a joyous truth to take hold of today and carry with us throughout 2023! Amen.

All my life You have been faithful,
All my life You have been so, so good.
With every breath that I am able,
I will sing, of the goodness of God
(Goodness of God, Bethel)

Photo by Ronda Dorsey on Unsplash